"Do it scared": My journey in fear-facing

TL;DR

• In the last 7 months, I’ve done two things I always thought I couldn’t: A sprint triathlon, and a 70km cycle through Italy.

• I learned two important lessons about fears:

  • Fears can become your superpowers, and your greatest sources of confidence.

  • And the feeling of fear never goes away; so, waiting to do something until you’re no longer scared is pointless.

(PS: Thanks Huw for prompting me to write about this!)

Intro

There are two things I never thought I’d be able to do — in fact, I was a little afraid of doing them: Triathlons, and long distance cycling. Swimming was a long time insecurity of mine, and open water swimming in a triathlon freaked me out; and I only learned how to cycle confidently in my mid-20s.

But now I’ve done both a triathlon and a (semi-) long distance cycle.

So, whenever I face something that makes me think “I can’t do that”, I remind myself that I once said that about triathlons and long-distance cycling, but look where we are now.

Take that, self-doubt.

A quick note on fear:

Fear is one of the only reasons Homo sapiens have survived as long as we have. Getting rid of fear is the totally wrong goal (it might even kill you, so, you know…).

Fear is useful. Irrational fear is not. 

The art of fear-facing is not about “overcoming your fears”, or “never being afraid again.” It’s simply about pausing between the fear and your knee-jerk response. Slowly, you can lengthen that pause long enough to critique the fear, and really think about: “Is this scary for a rational reason? Why am I afraid? What can I learn from this? What if I just try it anyway?”

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When my fear festered

My battleground with fear was not in the vast wilderness or among deadly creatures. It was set in the mundane backdrops of everyday life: A primary school changing room, and an apathy to commuting.

As a kid grappling with body image issues and struggling to navigate my nascent sexuality, the school's swimming classes left me feeling exposed and raw. I questioned everything—my appearance, the boys around me, the confusing allure they held. The terror of having my body on display, with its folds and "fiddley bits", was a visceral experience.

Cycling, too, was less daunting than it was unnecessary. Sure, I had a bike as a kid and rode around the garden. But it never came to be that I took it on the road. And so I grew up being driven around, and using the bus, and then driving myself around... and cycling just never was a thing I did.

And then, on an unexpected bike tour through the streets of Amsterdam during my gap year, I had this spiritual experience (read: I thought I was going to die) that left me questioning a lot of my adult-ness. Was I the only person who didn’t feel confident on a bike? Why am I such a pussy?

When my fear faltered

In 2022, I challenged myself: By year-end, I would complete a triathlon. Triggered by a triathlete friend's constant competing in all kinds of triathlons, I decided to silence the "I could never" mantra haunting my mind.

And the fear started faltering in the journey: Getting myself into the pool — once a platform of anxiety — became my dojo. Every stroke made me stronger. And the physical transformation was astounding: I was fitter, healthier, and more confident in myself and my body than I had ever been before. I look strong, I had muscles, I was beating my own lap times week after week.

In fact, swimming become my therapy. The white noise of water rushing paste my ears blocked out the world, and let me become truly present in the moment. And I became know by my colleagues as “a swimmer.” The same child who desperately tried to be excused from every swimming lesson was now “that guy who has abs because he swims.”

Similarly, cycling turned into an adventure: After shaking off the dust of my cycling skills, I could embrace the freedom and joy that comes on bike. I became addicted to the feeling of wind surging past me as I bulleted along the promenade at sunset.

Fear was no longer a looming shadow, but a companion I had learned to coexist with. We didn’t get along, but we tolerated each other enough to sit in the same space, at the same time, and not interfere with each other. We just acknowledged each other’s presence.

When my fear fractured

In November 2022, I completed a sprint triathlon; and 7 months later, I cycled 70km from Pisa to Pieve Fosciana in Italy, carrying 18kg of luggage.

Where did the fear go, you ask?

Nowhere, really. I just became OK with doing it scared.

Fear-fighter Ruth Soukup summed it up perfectly:

I still felt the rush of fear before the open-water swim. And no, it didn't vanish when I plunged into the water at the starting line. But, the fear didn't paralyze me. Instead, it strengthened my resolve. And turned the experience into pure dopamine.

Even Alex Honnold, the legendary climber that has climbed basically every rock face and has been doing it for years and years, still feels fear. He says that it's not about extinguishing the fear; it's about managing it and understanding when it's irrational:

So, I didn't banish fear to the netherworld; instead, I invited it to join me for the ride. It splashed alongside me during the open water swim, and it hitched a ride on my panniers when I cycled through Italy.

Something to think about:

1. What is something you tell yourself you “can’t” do?

2. What is the smallest step you could take towards testing if that’s really true?